Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
