You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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