The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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