There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
