Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
