She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
