so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
