ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
