I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
