It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
