you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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