OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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