Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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