You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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