If i come over, it means nothing
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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