My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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