She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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