love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
