i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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