You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
