I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
