My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
