My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So squirting runs in the family.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
