Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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