She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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