I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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