He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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