I hate your face
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
