Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
