My friends, they love my intelligence
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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