dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
