I feel like abortions should bother me more
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
