this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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