Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
