I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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