went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
