a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
