On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
