I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
