My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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