you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize