And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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