I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
