sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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