3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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