You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
