He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We need to rekindle our bromance
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There r osticjed everywhere
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
