You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize