You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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