making cat noises will not fix the situation.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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