We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
