They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
