I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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