i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
