just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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