i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
