In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
