lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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